Pain, frustration, and a rainbow of a different colour

Many of my posts online tend to be about pain.

I never start out intending to write out the dark thoughts and painful struggles in my life yet, somehow, when given a pen name and a blank page they just begin to flow. Perhaps it has something to do with the lack of safe places I have to pour out my confusion when I’m away from the screen.

and yet it isn’t enough. I think a good deal of my ranting is do to my feelings of helplessness. I cannot change my disability. No matter what I do, time will erode my joints at its own pace and as I try to live a healthier life in order to maintain my joints I see them erode faster. Life isn’t fair.

I’ve tried pouring my pain out in prayer but, even though the “stereotypical” Christian in me cringes at the words, sometimes I feel like I’m talking to the wall (or ceiling in my case, I’ve had epic ceiling rants). I know my God is big enough to handle my pain but sometimes I’d love a more tangible response.

However, I’ve found a pain I can do something about, at least, if nothing else, I can share this pain with those of you brave enough to enter in with me.

Now, here’s a disclaimer.

I don’t like pain. Honest, I actually rather despise it and wish it’s lessons had a different method of instruction. In this particular case, I’ve walked away more times than I care to imagine and yet, find myself inexplicably returning to the scene which causes my heart to break. But, you know, I think sometimes, there are things worth breaking over. Sometimes, there is no getting over or working through because the injustice of the situation demands a voice, and those who suffer as a result demand someone to cry when they, themselves, cannot.

Whether it is the sheer overwhelming need, fear of the unknown, lack of education, or a society which reinforces the devaluing of those who are different (and to be honest, humanity is to complex to label a specific cause for each circumstance) half a world away there are thousands of orphans who exist and nothing more, a number of which will simply fade away without a family to mourn their absence.

These are the disabled orphans. The children who are locked away, left in cribs to wither, who’s gifts and dreams lay unrealized. These are the children who break my heart.

Margaret is one of these children

Last week, Margaret moved from the “Other Angel” page on Reece’s Rainbow to the “in Loving Memory” Page.

I didn’t know this child, never could, and yet, the fact that she has passed is an event, in my eyes, worthy of noting.

Reece’s rainbow is an organization dedicated to stemming the tide of stories like Margaret’s. They exist to advocate, fund raise, and build general awareness about the plight of disabled orphans around the world who are facing a life of unmet potential and even early death due to a lack of adequate care in their area’s for children in their position.

It was interesting when I found Reece’s. I’m a student on loans, disabled, and, at that time, single. I could not do anything . . . or so I thought. Turns out, all you need to do to make a difference is pray. The first child I saw was a beautiful little girl that I committed to pray for. Her forever family is currently waiting for their travel date to go and bring their daughter home.

I’m still a student, now a newly wed, and for the time still cannot do much for these kids but I can write and I can ask you for help.

Sometimes, a little movement can start an avalanche.

You can pass this post along.

Visit There is plenty of information and many children who need someone to care for them, even if it’s praying from a difference.

If you like coffee, think about ordering from All the proceeds go towards, the little dude on the front page’s adoption fund, helping his forever family whenever they find their son.

Maybe, if you’re like me and can’t sit idly by, you can commit to formally or informally fund raise for one of the children or families or pray for a child who is in the process.

If I’m going to be fired up, may as well be for a purpose 🙂

Be forewarned. I’d like to pick a different child each week and highlight them on here, in the hopes that maybe, cases like Margaret will become the exception.